This October marks the five-year anniversary of the start of my entrepreneurial adventure. I could have never imagined the magnitude of this journey when it began. See this adventure is much more than just building a business (which is huge in itself), see it was the start of some much needed inner work. Inside of me, there was some serious healing to do, years of emotional trauma piled on by the damaging distraction of constant high professional demands. This mixture left me completely disconnected and disengaged. I found myself wandering through the days questioning if I was worth anything at all. I was convinced professional aspirations, even at times, life aspirations were pointless.
It took leaving the corporate environment and being in a place where only I was responsible for my success to get real. To realize the damage that was done and the disconnected person I had become. Out of survival, I began to grow, I began to heal and return to pure self, the person I was destined to be.
The Path to Growth Continues
But saying all that, it’s almost five years later and the path to growth continues. Last week in my episode of Work Love Live, I shared the moment of clarity surrounding the common phrase, life’s about the journey, not the destination. There truly is no destination, we are living each day for the moments. Knowing that living in those moments and being fully present is creating ripples that are changing the world. Not questioning how, or who are we, or what more must we do, simply knowing by being fully present we are changing the world.
It is in full presence, that we are able to utilize our full capacity and share our talents with the world. Even in saying that and having that awareness, it doesn’t change that I still have so much left to heal. Recently I experienced a dead giveaway of how much work I still had to do. It was clear at that moment that five-years had not undone nearly 20 years of self-sabotage.
The moment occurred during a professional networking mixer and it wasn’t the first occurrence. In fact, every time this occurred it was in a similar environment, a professional context and it always came out of nowhere. I never see it coming and usually do not realize it is occurring until it’s over.
The One Dead Giveaway
What I am referring to is the act of verbal diarrhea. However, this verbal diarrhea is linked to unprocessed emotions that are still trapped within and therefore, they only reveal themselves when triggered. Professional networking events are typically pretty safe because people stay in a lane, the conversation around religion and politics are at a minimum. For most, it’s simply nice to meet you conversation. Yet, if you engage with individuals for too long a period, the first level of trust is established and we begin to take risks in our conversation. This is a natural part of relationship building, connections at a more vulnerable level will be stronger.
Nevertheless, it is these discussions that open the window of opportunity for being triggered. For me specifically, I randomly rant for five minutes on an issue that emotionally charges me. The most recent occurrence, the rant was on diversity.
My personal diversity story is one that I recently had to begin to own and I still struggle with. Making the big move from the west to the east coast at 16 caused more trauma to my psyche then I realized. Doing the work that I do, I have had the privilege of beginning to peel back the layers on the onion of that story. Yet, it still has many ugly releases waiting to be processed and awoken.
These random outbursts are not so random, they are a reminder that I am still a work in progress. I still find it challenging to not regret the occurrences of verbal diarrhea. I inevitably always over analyze the conversation and start creating an imaginary timeline of consequence. Believing that five minutes just changed the trajectory of any possible success I might have in my business and life. The truth is that these occurrences are incredibly humbling and keep me in a place of connection. They keep me on my path and limit the temptation to give into ego, a place where I lived for many years.
So the next time you find yourself in a moment of regret because something you shared might not be “politically correct” but it is your passionate truth. Recognize your feelings of shame as humility and spend a moment in gratitude for the reminder, because you are meant to do great things and we need the work you are destined to do.